There Is But One Truth

I am in India since November of 2013. For the first time, I was expecting to face, up and close, the dreadful scenario of losing one or both my parents. My age has given me the wisdom to accept that all are mortal and it was going to be my turn to witness. I tried to comprehend what a loss of a parent(s) would mean to me and how the experience would affect me. I have been preparing for this for a few years, and after summoning up all my courage this time, I felt I should let them go. I did not pray to keep them alive. If it was their turn to leave, so be it. Why try to keep them suffering when they had kept their commitments and fulfilled their duties.

I started to go to temples. I prayed to all Gods to let them die in peace and not make them suffer. It was during my trips, sometimes long distances when I started to question myself. What is my purpose in this mortal life. Is there a God or Gods to whom I can talk and communicate. My belief is they exist- otherwise would I be going to temples. The faith has been inculcated in me by my parents. I am a Hindu by religion. I claimed to be accepting all faiths. I believed they are like streams/rivers that end in an ocean. I have dipped my feet sporadically in the streams without ever appreciating the origin of falls, the path as the water finds its way, becoming streams/ rivers and merging with the ocean. I didn’t find the necessity to learn what my religion had to offer. Prayers help and that was the only thing I knew. I felt lacking in knowledge when I wanted my children to follow the faith, but unable to talk about it.

My maternal grandmother, a yogi who took to celibacy at a young age, has told a lot of stories and even about the epics over days. I couldn’t recall much. I have read many prayer books, fasting many times during my lifetime when there was a calamity to deal with. But my short sightedness did not make me want to pursue on a consistent basis. Basically, I considered myself a decent human being who had a lot of empathy, for the sick and downtrodden and had exhibited sparks of my inner self when I fought for the common good or arguing for the weak, even when I paid a price personally, causing a self inflicted turmoil in my family life, putting my loved ones interest behind.

This time I decided to read and learn about my religion. Not knowing where to start, I started to read books sold in the temple premises about the significance of the God or Goddess blessings and about the history of the temple. I began to read about the biography of saints and sages and how they attained bliss. The interest grew but I was like a rudderless ship. I spent long hours reading but not very clear about what I was trying to get out of it. I got involved in discussions, boldly putting my views across without any fear of being ridiculed as I felt I was gaining some inner strength and decided to test my understanding. I learned that “vaidlka dharma (discipline of vedas) and sanAtana dharma(eternal discipline) forms the core of the Hindu religion.

I came to cross roads during my quest for knowledge. How do I proceed when the argument came about idol worship and formless God. Every saint dating centuries and thousands of years ago have vouched for seeing the God of their liking though some have later pursued the I-I phenomena where I the ego is destroyed to realize the true I within self. Some like Ramakrishna and Ramana Maharishi have advocated both to be real but Vivekananda , though an ardent devotee of Ramakrishna stuck to the I-I only but also preached service. Raghavendra who witnessed Goddesses only preached about realizing self and so did Ramalingam Swamy who is said to have seen God in his mirror at a young age. He later disappeared from his room which was locked by his devotees under his instructions. The Government made the decision to force open the door and there was no trace of him. Arunagirinathar and the sixty three Nayanmars have all experienced the blessings of God and have witnessed too. Is it worth pursuing what is true unless realized. nirguNa(attributeless God) Brahman vs saguNa( God with good attributes) Brahman should not become a focus as it is subject to only one’s personal experience.

A learned man who spent years trying to master the scriptures in Hindu religion saw a young kid collecting water in a cup as the waves hit the shore and pouring in a pit he had created. When questioned what he was doing, the boy replied that he was draining the ocean to which he laughed not realizing that he too was trying to master the religious teachings that was like a ocean. Having heard this, I am not worried, nor ashamed of how much I know but will continue on my search till I realize and experience.