The forgotten times, not so forgotten

( Written with permission from the subject).

Part I

What it is to live in India at the prime of your life, if you are not born with a silver spoon. India is doing well, the GDP is not bad, the economics are far better, the life styles has improved, it is now a two working parents home, kids provided with needs and comfort, and India is a force to reckon with- relationships sought after by USA, Russia and China and the envy of its neighbor, Pakistan. How different it is on the main street.

I know of a person who is 28 years old. The younger of the two sons to his parents. He lived in a shack with no bedrooms and common toilets. The bickering between his parents never stopped from the time he could remember. He went to school with the uniform stitched by his dad. He is a taylor by profession, had a number of jobs as a master cutter and with his wife stitching the pieces for an export garment factory, one would presume to have given a better life for his children but the money borrowed by him took away the basic needs of the family. He had his lunch with the rice that was cooked and added chilli powder to make it palatable only to have pain in the abdomen that lasted for a few hours everyday during his school days. He has never been told that he is being loved. On the contrary he felt that he was the cause for his parents problems as a daughter to them would have rid them of financial and personal problems. This was told to him, many times after his parents sought an astrologer to read their horoscope.

The younger son hated going to school if his birthday fell on a weekday. He stayed outside home till it was time to go after all his friends called it a day. He finished his homework in school and got enough grades that he did not cause a stir like his older brother. He went to bed sometimes just having what was put on his plate he called dinner, a share that helped him to survive but not enough to fulfill his appetite. He dreamt every night that made him feel good, dreams brought in by mere persuasion of his need than by accident.

His older brother stopped school after his tenth grade. It was his choice. He worked odd jobs and ended up learning to drive a car and to this day works for a company that hires drivers for rent. He got married, has two kids who are nearing ten and just after ten years. He tried correspondence course to get a BS but dropped out. He cares for his family, works long hours and brings in the beacon. He consciously doesn't provide a dime to his parents as he feels they don't deserve it. He is not as bad as one would think as he is the sum total of what his life had been as a survivor. He feels sorry for his younger brother for getting caught with his emotions and unable to free himself of the negative forces, he calls his parents that, and remaining stuck. He loves his younger brother but would lend him money he borrows for his parents needs, at an interest.

Part II

Talking about the younger son, he like his older brother was made to drop out of school after his tenth grade. Unlike his older brother, he wanted to pursue his school education. Finding no support, and accepting reality was hard to fathom. he found a job on his own at age fifteen as a Peon (Office boy), worked 12 hours and cycled his way up and down adding up to 24 Kms. He gave his income of 1500 rupees per month ( averaging less than 25 dollars) to his parents. A couple of years later, he joined a Dance School where he felt his talent could help his future. He got to become a bright and prospective kid and was promoted to become an assistant to his Master. He played side roles in movies during song and dance sessions or assisted his dance master to choreograph dance moves in Tamil Movies. He dropped out after a few years when he found that his progress was stymied as he couldn’t get the Dancer’s Association Card (one like a driver’s license) as he couldn’t afford to pay two lakh rupees (3000 dollars approx). He changed his career to become a fitness instructor and worked hard to get his certificates. He took the chance to open a GYM. He put in his savings, borrowed and worked long hours, everyday for the next few years. He became a success story but it didn’t last long. He got an opportunity to go to Canada and sold his Gym. He gave away his investment to his parents to clear their loans and kept some money to travel. After visiting a few South East Asian Countries, he settled down to figure out how to proceed with his life. He had lost a GF in the time in between and developed a new relationship.

He started to make himself available as a personal trainer, visiting homes and has currently six clients, averaging 25,000 rupees per month in total. I came to know of him through my daughter. I became his mentor. His opportunity to go to Canada is still open. I encouraged him to learn Yoga and become a teacher. He agreed to, after I clarified that I would bear the cost. I have pulled in my contacts to help him learn cure from Yoga. He is leaving next month for his training. In the meantime he has come to know of his dad’s attempt to do a business and fail.

He stays with me, goes home to check on his parents and to attend to his commitments. He wonders how nothing has changed in their behaviors when he is bearing the brunt of their problems. He doesn’t see or feel the love which he has never felt but sees an entitlement on his parents side as though they made the children to care only for their needs and fulfill their obligations even after being sidestepped by his brother who has washed his hands off.

His life goes on. His future is what he makes it to be. He will succeed. But the path has been full of thorns and he is yet to see the roses. His grit, determination, ambition and sacrifice is hard to match. Even as I end this, I heard him say that he wants to have a home for his parents and spend the rest of their lives without fear of being cared for, with or without him. I am in awe.