Karma

I have lived in India for the past five months. During this time, I have been involved in caring, guiding, supporting, helping, solving many of the problems faced by dependents(let’s leave at that) who are old, and have run out their time. Four elderly couples known to me with at least a spouse( all male) who is eighty years or older have sought my help. I have volunteered, asked, accepted to do my best and did to my best of ability as all four couples are close, related and I love.

Couple A have two sons, Couple B have three daughters and one son, Couple C have one son and Couple D have four sons. All four couples are at least in the upper middle class and have less to worry about regarding their day to day expenses. All four have spouses who are alive. All four husbands worked for the Central(Federal) Government. All four held respectable positions when they retired. All four get more in pension than they ever made during their lifetime while working, because they are still living in their eighties.

Logic dictates that they should be happy, content, pious, religious and having enough time to do introspection, reaching out and enjoying the days left in this world.

Couple A have two sons. One son has become a working partner with less investment and is in his wits end as his mother wants him to stay put in his commitment to his father, knowing well that he is on a new business venture. The other son works for Central (Federal)Government and because of his position and commitment had to go back to work once the crisis subsided. The male spouse had a stroke, lost his speech and some of his limbs are getting back the strength and is making some progress. Financially they are holding up but unsure for how long.

Couple B is richer than the other three. Money is not an issue. But all four children have had it. Son has a grievance, perceived or real, has taken himself out of the equation. Off the three daughters , only one is able to care with the help of her husband. Couple B, because of their wealth and their mindset believe that everyone is out there to get their wealth. They chase away their relatives who volunteer help, prevent their daughters from offering help and by necessity they use their relative or Son in law. They lead a life less than an average person but live in a palatial home. Eat what was made the day before, kept in fridge and keep their house locked for anyone who cares.

Couple C had two children. Their daughter died in a freak accident in her late teens. The male spouse is in a hospital since November of 2013 and in the last couple of months, is unconscious. He is fed with a tube directly connected to the stomach and is breathing through a tube connected to trachea. The only son who can offer help is not looked upon in a positive light by the female spouse. The female spouse still talks about who she was during her life before marriage(Happens to be an Embassy’s top head’s daughter). Fluid cash is waning and there are less answers to the mounting bills spit out by the hospital. There is no coming back regarding the male spouse’s survival. Logic dictates to pull the plug but she waits for an answer from the Almighty.

Couple D is blessed with four sons, three of whom care very much. One son keeps his distance for no particular reason. They are being cared and provided with all necessary help. Financially they don’t have to ever worry as their children(three of them- 75% success story when it comes to caring and still 75 % success story when it comes to their children making a mark in the society- but the placement changes in order) are more than willing to provide, whatever it takes. The female spouse always has a reason not to be happy. Her behavior has changed and has become very mean to the caregivers and to her son who has and is managing their day today life.

Why are their lives so different though at the surface level, no one couple has a reason to feel bad or have grievance? The illnesses might not be self made( though there could be some contribution, knowingly or unknowingly), but their lives they lead are their own choosing. If they are sad, it is because they chose to be. If they are frustrated, it is because they refuse to heed. If they feel abandoned, it is because they paved the way for people to back off. Guilt is not something they can impose on their near and dear ones. They made their bed. Let them sleep on it. I keep wondering about Karma.

As I am posting this, Couple C- male spouse breathed his last.-