IS IT OK TO MAKE HAPPINESS, A GOAL FOR OUR CHILDREN TO ACHIEVE.

It will be difficult to find any parent, who is working hard to care for their children, not wanting their children to be happy. They will say that it is their goal. Not many have answers how to get to that place themselves. But they strive hard to provide everything they could, taking on greater responsibility for their children, spending their energy, more time away from their children/family to achieve their stated goal by working long hours or two jobs, investing on their children’s future without knowing how the returns will be and in the end begun to feel that it is the luck of the draw than everything they have put in that makes their children happy or not.

Is there any proven method to become happy and to that the simple answer is NO. But the bookshelves in a bookstore will have many and claim to have proven methodology which only causes more confusion and makes one feel incompetent and finally end up feeling a lot worse than before when he or she, though they did not have answers, felt capable, had faith, and believed that they are good parents before their quest to become ideal parents began.

Is it right to set happiness as a goal? It shouldn’t be as it is a state that is experienced temporarily, fluid in nature, transient, and an outcome/fulfillment of one’s desires, achievements and realization which makes happiness last till that moment of success. It dissipates as progress becomes the next dream and in the bargain what was once experienced as happiness that tasted good, lasted long and etched a memory is lost.

People mistake success to be happiness. They attach significance to the end result and forget that it is found along the path and not just at the end of the road. Today’s children are totally different for their age when compared to the times when I was their age. They know more, believe in themselves, let us know of their disagreements in no uncertain terms, expect to have a conversation than just be told, able to compare and contrast due to exposure, and are also very open in their expression of love unlike the era I lived in.

The child grows up with less or no choices, trying to catch up every time it tries to make it’s parents happy, shaping their life without knowing what it is to be happy as they are told what happiness is by pointing to their status in life, the materialistic comforts and luxury they have, and by talking about their own successes.

So going back to where I started- happiness as a goal- should be changed to providing tools to have a life of sustained bliss and happiness.

The tools we provide are the value system that helped us move forward. Not being late whether to school or work, completing assignments on time, being courteous, empathetic, doing the best one can and encouraging individual growth- allowing the child to think, accepting that they can make mistakes, asking about their dreams however different it maybe, helping them to realize, succeed that improves their self esteem, being the second best is not bad after all, as it encourages one to master it (Success is a moment but Mastery is sustained), showing them that you have faith in them (which is a two way street), making them understand that doing good deeds is equivalent to prayers to God (an unknown entity) but instilled faith nevertheless because it gave rise to hope, peace and a belief that helped one to move forward. By one’s actions, it can help the whole society to move forward. Understanding that happiness is an experience will soon be realized by their children and they can pass on their tools to the next generation.