Call it a conflict, a turmoil or a misunderstanding-it is in the eye of the beholder!

I know an aged couple who have two sons. The older one has no children and the younger son has two. The aged couple lived with the younger son until the husband fell ill; he suffered from a stroke and after hospitalization the aged couple moved in with their older son, Wife of the older son is not happy because she was not available for her when she needed them.

The parents stayed with their younger son because he had children.The Mother in Law (MIL) had been caring for her grandchildren. Both her younger son and his wife worked long hours. She was a nanny to feed them, send them to school, and on their return, helped the kids to do homework, and met their needs.

Situations arose when the wife of the older son had side effects from the in vitro fertilization and had a finger injury that had complications resulting in not being able to cook or care for self or her husband. The MIL did not come to ease her pain and suffering. She stayed put with her younger son. The wife (DIL) of the older son was upset. She did not get the help from her in laws.

The MIL during her time spent in her younger son’s place (over years) had got attached to her grandchildren. She felt like being responsible for her grand kids and became the surrogate mother in the absence of the parents. She did not move to her older son’s place during the testing times for her older DIL. She believed that her older son would care for her and take care of his wife. She felt that her grandchildren would be left unattended to in her absence.

The time came when the husband of the aged couple suffered from a stroke. He lost his speech and had not recovered from the stroke. The DIL (married to the older son) was not very happy about them moving in with them. She felt that her in laws were dumped on her and resented though she agreed to accept them and care for them. She and her husband also worked long hours. Suddenly the privacy was lost and the space got smaller.

The older DIL agrees that her MIL loves her older son but is not sure about being loved the same like the younger DIL. She does it as a duty but resents their presence. Is it OK for the older DIL to continue with the same frame of mind. Is it something that her MIL did that makes her feel the way she perceives.

In defense of the MIL, she has done her best to help her younger son who needed her presence to help with his children. The older DIL had her husband all to herself to get the undivided attention, love, and was being cared for during sickness and in health by her husband, went on vacations without any responsibility to care for her husband’s parents and had the luxury of making decisions without being forced to consider and include her in laws in her decisions.

The older DIL struggles through the conflicting emotions. She is angry but does her best in the given circumstances. She has made it known to her MIL that they moving in with their older son was just to get the best of the two worlds and was not in anyway to be understood otherwise. She is angry that the younger DIL did not ask or want them to stay with them like they did all these years. The younger DIL had more in her plate to cope in her MIL’s absence and suddenly there was a void that needed to be filled because of the situation that couldn’t guarantee the care her children received all these years.

My reasoning for this post is that it is easy to love than hold a grudge or resent or hate. Accept life for what it is than have regrets. Enjoy the presence of the in laws as they are your husband’s parents and treat them as your own as you would want your husband to show the same consideration if the roles were reversed. Life is what you make of it. Happiness is found within self. Opportunities like these are not got very often. Take them as it comes as you will become a better person and learn to live with people’s faults whether real or perceived,