Understanding depression

Some wanted to know what depression is or looks like. They are just lucky.

A peek into the mindset/life situation of a depressed person and the sufferer’s family(Collateral damage).

Life goes on normally like anyone else's. Life deals a blow. Stress increases. Not that life was stress free in the past. Then one was young, resilient, supported, held hope and like one wished, it dissipated.

This time it starts out to be another stressor. But it appears to be out of control than one had experienced. It initially tends to affect only the person. Then it spread to the family. Words that gave encouragement seem to be distant. Keeping the sanity to move forward appears to become the family's choice; not wished but forced to keep the family's candle burning. Relationships still holds the family bond tight. But then the void seems to spread. The laughter and smiles that came so naturally becomes an act. Silence at home becomes the norm. Couples begun to move towards their own space. Love seats get empty to be taken over by single sofas and recliners. TV occupies the remaining time before one gets tired. Normal dinners together becomes a thing of the past. People start eating at their own convenience. Children retire to their rooms at the earliest. What they shared about the day's events in the past is kept within. Going to bed and chatting with their friends, to avoid thinking what goes on with their lives, appears to be a better choice. Hunger is not even felt by the one suffering from sadness. The affected person tires himself out by staring at the TV. Thoughts occupy the mind about the problem without solution. The sound of the TV has no effect. Retiring to bed by sleeping at the edge of the bed, appears as though the place gives comfort, and one wants to be ready to jump out if a solution did emerge even in sleep..

Then the mind starts to play games. In the beginning everyone seems to go out of the way to make one feel comfortable. Work suffers and gets laid off.He/she starts to take up duties at home, never delegated but out of choice. Then the expectations grow. Daily chores becomes the norm, once shared but to the one at home feels dumped. Going to do groceries, picking meds from the pharmacies, waiting at home to receive the couriers, cleaning the kitchen after cooking if one does know how to cook, cleaning the windows and the cupboards and the tables and desks, keeping it better than it looked to gain acknowledgement and encouragement and praise that was never in the mindset before things started to go down hill, is all new, anxiety provoking and frustrating. Family tend to ask in the beginning of how the day went. Then they see the hurt in one's eyes and stop asking. That is as painful as being asked. It appears as though one has been taken for granted. One tends to sharpen his/her brain to not to forget. But the slip is never avoidable. What is important to one when told and not done seems to bring the controlled anger, not said but felt. It becomes evident when they do it themselves, the next day or the next time. Can't explain because one is not questioned.

One get’s invited to parties as though life is normal. But then people get to know. He/She starts to avoid. The depressed stops taking calls from friends or cuts them short. Anger, resentment starts to build up between the couple or the family members and the depressed one. Words sometimes end up hurting more than the events. Mostly to the the sufferer, as per his/her perception. The perception seems to take an upper hand. Slowly the root cause for the given situation starts to disappear. Whether it is self inflicted or fate doesn't seem to matter anymore to the one who is at the center of the issue at hand. Everyone focuses on here and now. The past is hard to recollect. Goodness seemed so far away for the family members to recall. Being tired of the prolonged, difficult, hard to fathom but real scenario, the unthinkable but inevitable thinking starts to coalesce. Their(family's) life situation as it ended up the way it did, is hard to reconcile.

Getting up in the morning is difficult. Taking a bath appears to be a chore. Changing clothes doesn't appear to be a necessity. Doing something to help oneself doesn't matter anymore though everyone seems to have suggestions. Take a walk, go to the library, go to your friends' places, find solutions to fit back into the society's expectations seems to be a desperate plea from the family members but nothing seems to make a dent in one's behavior. People don’t get invited home. When one wonders, sometimes one gets to be told that he/she is the reason. “Disappear”, is not the word just thought by the sufferer from depression, it becomes the family's choice though unsaid.

~kripa